Merchant of Joy, Part I: Lessons from Elementary School Teachers

“Contrary to what we usually believe … the best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times [….] the best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to the limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” -Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Premise: The secret to life is joy, which allows us to reach the ultimate goal of fulfillment. Both require work. Without persistent open-minded perseverance, neither can be achieved.

After teaching high school English for fifteen years, I thought all teachers were pretty much the same. The six years that followed as an elementary school principal very quickly taught me  that I was wrong.  In short, elementary school teachers are different. A quick summary:

  1. They work incredibly hard at things like planning for six subjects, updating bulletin boards, rationalizing with the irrational, and more that I hadn’t really considered.
  2. They communicate with the 20+ families on their rolls more in a month than I ever did with the 100+ on my rosters in a year, and it isn’t even close.
  3. A team of them could figure out world peace if you gave them a few hours of dedicated work time, a 42-minute prep and several pots of coffee. You’d have to construct the team like a boy band (The Super Organized One, The Elitely Calm One, The Frenetic Tornado of Productive Energy One, and The Sharply Intuitive Who Never Hits Reply All), but they’d get it done.
  4. They have empathy beyond description.

That last point presents itself generally in positive ways, but occasionally manifests itself in their feeling deeply hurt. With my underwhelming emotional capacity, I felt limited in my ability to offer true support beyond listening. I’m typically a fixer but couldn’t fix that so usually I didn’t say much, but did make it a point to check in frequently.

Since they gently tolerated my overt nerdiness, I did, however, occasionally dip into my English teacher toolbox and talk about how the Greeks nailed the human condition in their tragedies. The often misunderstood concept of the fatal flaw was particularly relevant as it’s essentially the quality that makes us great, but when taken to an excess, can bring about our demise. The applicable traits are legion: stubbornness, pride, passion, compassion and lots more.

The tricky part of compassion and empathy is that they require us to treat our emotional front more like a screen door than a sliding glass door or the sturdier and more impenetrable option, a reinforced dungeon door. Beauty, joy, fun and more pass freely in and out though the screen door, but there’s an inevitable vulnerability that comes along with it. And I say it’s worth it.

What I often observed in elementary school classrooms was joy shared between unhindered children who know that the educators in the room care deeply for them. That’s the trick with high school kids, too: if they know you have their back, they’ll work for you and take healthy intellectual risks. But the intensity of nurturing the same group of kids for the entire day has to drain even the strongest soul, and yet I can attest to the power of kindergarten therapy (hang out in a classroom for 5 minutes and your day gets significantly better). 

So where do they find the energy to keep up? Joy. They start with the mindset that their calling is to shape learning experiences for kids. What’s next is letting the screen door approach work its magic. hey feel the elation of their students’ successes by listening to their stories, celebrating their moments and sharing in the breathless excitement of curiosity and discovery.

We’re looking at a new year in the education world (it’s mid-August as I write) and that provides a rich opportunity to resolve to be something even better than what we’ve been before. While no one really gets a completely clean slate (no tabula rasa, sorry), we do all get a fresh start each school year and we each have the opportunity to define how we want to assert ourselves in the days and months ahead.

Here’s my challenge to you: be a merchant of joy. Start the new year with a perspective that allows you to both feel and spread joy. Yes, by May we’ll likely start giving each other the stink eye when we notice who chews too loudly in the faculty room or always parks over the line next to your spot, but we can start from the best place. Easy? No. Vulnerable? Yup. Rewarding? Definitely. It starts with your mindset, demands commitment, and hopefully pays off both in the joy you receive and the fulfillment you feel.

Be a merchant of joy. Have fun and Happy New Year! 

Sand Castles & Struggle: A Leadership & Parenting Observation

This entry, my first in a while, was inspired by a casual conversation with my wife while walking on the beach in the Outer Banks. It really did unfold as described and then just stuck in my head as I felt there was something much larger than sand castles going on. I ended up writing a lot of this in my head on the drive home a few days later, and am really excited to finally deploy the word shambolic. Enjoy!

My wife and I enjoy morning strolls on the beach, which sounds like a cheesy line but is true. We talk about a lot and, really, nothing much at all while we dodge beached jellies, scan the horizon for dolphins and observe people enjoying the sun and surf. In our conversations, my success rate in expressing opinions with which she disagrees is close to 70% and a recent warm Wednesday morning added to that. The topic? Sand castles.

I noted that we were seeing more sand castles that morning (agreed). I then added that it seemed like the builders were more parents than kids (quiet disagreement). I waited a few steps and then summoned the courage to say, “That’s really not a good thing,” which elicited outright disagreement.

She’s a teacher so she’s well versed in the “I-do, we-do, you-do” continuum and countered that the parents were just being nice and helping their kids.

But in taking over the work, are they truly helping their kids? In the long run, I don’t think so.

I contend that our children’s construction skills, no matter how shambolic they might be today, should be reflected in what they produce. Their labor might not inspire passersby to gasp in amazement and take pictures, and might even dissuade you from snapping a few shots to post on social media, but at least the sand castle will reflect their work authentically.

For perspective, I’ve long advocated for the 10-and-10 Rule by which no school project can require more than $10 spent at Michael’s or 10 minutes of parent labor. When our kids were little, I also made it a point to compliment my wife on how much her work improved on dioramas she crafted for third son. I got away with the irony, but still believe that life has taught us that we learn by doing. More importantly, we learn by experience, which tends to consist of the mistakes we learn from.

On the beach, I took a gentle swipe about how our aspiring sand castle builders are being denied opportunity by well-intentioned parents and wanted to craft an argument based on a syllogism, which is that if A=B and B=C, then A=C.

My A=B logic is that struggle builds strength. The B=C is that we want our kids to become strong. Where the equation and explanation get a little messy and drift into applying negation, is that if we don’t want our kids to struggle, then we don’t want them to build strength. That’s problematic. Not intentional, but problematic.

Instead of framing that argument, I elected instead to read the room/beach and my audience, and opted to pivot: “So the Red Sox game was really exciting last night.” The experience of 26 years of marriage has taught me to cut bait.

Truthfully, I don’t care about sand castles, but am looking at a bigger picture of mindset and agency. I submit to you that we do well by allowing our children or the people we lead to endure the messy early stages of developing their skills. Be there as the safety net and provide a helping hand, but let them grow by doing the work to their own ability and vision. As they endure, we can guide them to become more durable and confident, and, ideally, celebrate in the brilliant sand castles they can eventually create.

Leadership: Presence

This 4th entry in the Leadership thread, Presence, addresses a social concern (phone distraction) that has made its way into the workplace. As with any apparent negative, the temptation of the distraction (tuning out real life) can be spun into a positive (assert your focus by locking into the moment). As an author’s note, this entry underwent a significant revision after I read an article that asserted that flowers are more beautiful because their bloom does not last. Enjoy!

“Wherever you are, be there.” – Attributed to many

We live in the age of distraction. While life has always been full of distractions, we now have them condensed into a handheld device that grants access to just about everything you can imagine. It’s easy to be seduced to scroll, search or send, and essentially escape the moment.

And therein lies a problem. No moment lasts forever. Every experience is fleeting and has potential, and that potential doesn’t wait.

Most of our experiences are destined to be ordinary. Realistically, everything we do can’t be memorable, but all those fleeting moments could lead to something, whether a new awareness, something strikingly beautiful, or just pretty cool. So why lose that to checking your phone (unless you’re reading one of my posts, then it’s a good idea).

It is not uncommon to have your phone out in a meeting, and social graces have evolved to the point at which that is frequently considered acceptable. Leaders, and I suspect all of us, feel like they’re on call perpetually, so the concession to having phones out makes sense. 

The challenge, however, in a meeting, over a meal or during a conversation is to resist the temptation to check out the likes on your social media post, or the injury updates for your fantasy football team, or to send a humorous meme to someone who probably has also checked out. The pull of all those distractions is strong, but in this context, true leaders define themselves as being present in the moment.

In full disclosure, I cannot multitask and don’t bother trying to do so. There are loads of arguments on the topic of multitasking, but all research seems to agree on one point: we can only truly concentrate on one thing at a time. 

Yes, we can manage several things simultaneously, some to a better extent than others (school secretaries are generally the most apt, while this author could conceivably be the most inept), but that level of focus becomes compromised as more things pull from our attention. When on a call or in a meeting, or any situation in which there is an expectation to be responsive, leaders should determine whether they are simply there or truly present. 

It’s not hard to detect those who have checked out as they will need things repeated or clarified, miss conversational cues, fail to follow up on topics addressed in the meeting or on the call, or smirk while looking at their own crotch (never a good look). Considering that educational leaders are constantly modeling what we want from our staff and students, none of those outcomes should be viewed in a positive light.

We have experienced some variation of this scenario: you’re meeting with a staff member in your office, the phone rings, you both stop for a moment and look at each other. What do you do? There’s not a hard-and-fast correct answer, but in that moment, you can define your level of presence by telling the staff member that the call can wait. 

Of course if someone from the office staff tells you it’s urgent (we apply the “bleeding or burning rule” – if someone is bleeding or something is burning, interrupt), that changes things. Otherwise, you gain a lot of currency by reinforcing to that other person that they are the most important person in your professional world, at least for that moment.

Overall, the image we convey with our presence will determine how our leadership is received. Much of that demands that we lead with empathy and embrace contradictions (appearing strong yet vulnerable, juggling the competing needs to be firm and flexible). But to engender real followership, we need to demonstrate that we are genuine and that wherever we are, we are truly there with the people who count on us to be exceptional.
Vision Statement: Be present.

Leadership: How Leading Is Like Driving (Safely)

The third entry in the Leadership thread of my Vision Statements series, How Leading Is Like Driving (Safely), develops an analogy that connects two of life’s great challenges: leading and driving. The structure of this post applies audience input (some of my readers really like short, quick points) and reflects the fun of developing an a-ha recognition. Enjoy!

Leadership, like life, is similar to driving: you need to check the rear view mirror to be mindful of what is behind you, but need to focus primarily on what lies ahead through the windshield.

I first thought of that little kernel of wisdom while I was out running, and was so proud of my spasm of brilliance that I left a breathless voice memo on my phone. Before I could anoint myself as the smartest person ever, however, a quick Google search revealed that others had apparently made the same analogy. 

Sigh.

Still, I was inspired by how the image captured the mindset of being in the moment while also considering the twin needs of looking ahead to the future and staying aware, though not fixated, on the past. I set to work generating the structure of this entry and was particularly jazzed to employ this driving extended metaphor as a relatable speaking point. And then I sat down to write the first draft. 

It wasn’t good. 

I couldn’t get the ideas flowing beyond what I felt was a strong opening paragraph. So I thought about it more, looking through the proverbial windshield at what else could connect driving to education leadership. Here’s what I realized:

  • When in unfamiliar areas, drivers need some type of navigation to guide them. In this sense, even the person in control needs support.
  • Building on the navigation point, drivers need to appreciate that there are myriad routes to most destinations. Leaders need to be flexible to consider that multiple possibilities can get you to the place you need to be.
  • This might be a byproduct of living and driving in North Jersey, but most danger is incurred by the carelessness of others. Educational leaders need to be prepared to clean up the messes created by others, and to treat each near miss or actual collision as an opportunity for growth and learning for themselves and the staff members involved. The problem in both driving and leading is that we don’t always know where the driver of torment is coming from; with experience, we become better equipped to anticipate likely incidents, but will still get blindsided at times.
  • If you engage in road rage, there is really only one logical outcome that can ensue, and it’s a bad one. The message here is to keep your cool and look to what outcome you hope to achieve. Screaming and carrying on have been proven to be remarkably ineffective in the long run; however, the leaders who remain calm and maintain perspective when somebody cuts them off or otherwise encroaches in their lane are less likely to engage in the workplace equivalent of a high stakes tit-for-tat that jeopardizes the safety of everyone.
  • Since I mentioned it, the phrase of staying in your lane doesn’t completely work in educational leadership. Sometimes we have to depart our lane to pitch in as needed, but it is also important to know your role and fulfill it without stepping on other people’s toes.
  • American writer Anne Lamott made a great point about how writing is a lot like driving at night in that you can only see as far as your headlights can project but still have an idea of your ultimate destination. Leading in an educational environment is similar. Rare is the day that goes according to plan, or the week that leaves you saying “Boy, that sure was predictable” on Friday. Know where you want to take your team, and stay the course even if you can’t see exactly how you’re going to get there.
  • Take breaks. Truck drivers have to keep logs and are limited in the hours that they can drive for good reason. We’re much more accident prone when we’re drained, and the greatest mistakes can often be attributed to tired minds and bodies. Give yourself permission to step out of the car sometimes and stretch your legs. It is noble to have great stamina and drive, but that doesn’t typically endure for the long run.
  • Be safe. Driving too fast is dangerous. Likewise, driving too slow can be equally hazardous. Adapt according to the conditions and assess how much risk can be sustained. There is risk inherent to every type of movement, and there is healthy risk that can lead to reward. So maybe this point would be better made as “be safe and be smart.”

Thanks for reading. Drive carefully and lead fearlessly! And have fun.

Vision Statement: Be the driver who moves things forward, but do so responsibly and intelligently. And sometimes bulleted statements do the trick.

Leadership: Quality

As leaders, we tend to find inspiration in unexpected places and moments. Watching the documentary Time Stand Still, which focuses on the last tour for the band Rush, provided such a moment. The level of precision the trio demands of itself, and the expectation to deliver a top-level product to its fanbase both resonated with my beliefs as an educator. The result was “Quality,” my second entry in the Leadership thread. Enjoy!

“Success doesn’t need to make excuses.”

In a documentary about the rock band Rush, drummer and lyricist Neil Peart commented that he wanted everything he produced to reflect a level of care. In other words, his output would reflect a degree of quality that he felt was worthy of his name. 

Our world is endlessly challenging and busy, and the temptation to take short cuts is strong. The critical consideration in the matter of quality is whether your work represents the best you could do considering the conditions.

The pandemic response of 2020-2022 significantly altered the educational landscape and forced leaders to make decisions based on ever changing guidelines for matters that were frequently well outside our areas of expertise. The tests weren’t necessarily about your knowledge of MERV-13 filters, Brownian motion, or how to apply byzantine close contact rules. 

No, the what you determined may not have been as significant as the how you did so. We faced great pressure and extraordinary levels of confrontation, but those forces could at least be somewhat managed if your audience had confidence in you and believed that you conducted your business with an attention to doing things the right way.

A good rule to follow in regards to the level of care put forth in anything is to consider if your name is at the top of a document. If it is, what follows should represent the best that the person attached to that name has to offer.

There are a lot of small details that contribute to a consistent air of quality. For Zoom meetings, which seemed to reveal a lot about the people with whom we coexist, always be on time by being early, especially to your own meetings. 

If it’s your meeting, get there ten minutes early, and fully expect that your app will need to update (generally quick but never timed well) or that you will get a message that it’s waiting for the host to start the meeting (from experience, yelling “I am the host” at your laptop is not an effective workaround). 

If you’re a guest, it’s best to arrive five minutes early and then let the host determine if to admit you from the waiting room. It’s doubtful that anyone is keeping score of such things, but I am nearly certain that your courtesy will help set a tone. Your expectation should be that if the host says at the established start time “We’re going to wait a few minutes for the rest of the people to sign in,” it will prove difficult to bite your tongue or not roll your eyes. 

Or find out you’re not muted after you blurt out “We’re punishing punctuality today?”

Related to that digression, it is exceedingly important to look organized and be punctual. If you have documents laid out in a manner that makes them easy to retrieve in a coordinated manner, you will convey an impression that you are prepared and know what you’re doing. Just as you’ll never hear a compliment along the lines of “I loved how you looked flushed while you were rifling through your bag,” you will similarly never hear “The quality of excuses you’ve been providing when you’re late has really improved — keep it up!” 

Lateness is a habit and it’s selfish. There are situations when it’s inevitable, but as much as you can, set an expectation that you will be prompt and prepared. It’s respectful to your audience, and allows you to enter situations with a level of calm professionalism. And eliminates the need for excuses, however creative.

Fair or not, we are being judged constantly. My response to that? Good. Let the consistent excellence you bring forth define your work and your identity, and let others judge you to their heart’s delight.

Vision Statement: If your name is on something, be sure that the work reflects the best that the person behind that name has to offer.

Leadership: Accountability & the Diffusion of Responsibility

This 5th installment of my vision statement series is the 1st in the Leadership thread. Accountability & the Diffusion of Responsibility focuses on the natural tendency of people not to take action when they are in a group and can look for someone else to step up. My challenge to leaders is to move counter to the sheeple and be the one to act. Enjoy!

“The New York Times published an article indicating that 38 people witnessed the murder of Kitty Genovese, but none took action.”

The social phenomenon of the diffusion of responsibility essentially dictates that the more people there are who can take action, the less likely it is to get done. In other words, if one person witnesses an incident, that person is likely to take action. If there are 30 witnesses, the odds diminish significantly.

As with anything in life, these are not hard and fast rules, but you have likely observed a version of the phenomenon at some point in your experiences. One of the more famous examples is the murder of Kitty Genovese in New York in 1964. 

While the New York Times article that reported that no one took action has been largely debunked, the truth remains that if someone had had the courage and leadership to take charge of the situation, she more than likely would have survived the attack.

Leaders define themselves by their willingness to step forward and take responsibility. There are certainly situations in which there is great comfort in staying in the shadows or hanging in the rear, but those are also the situations in which those who you expect to follow you most need for you to assert your role. 

Acting fearlessly does not mean that leaders lack fear; rather, it means that they put aside that fear for the sake of supporting those who depend on them. If it means taking a few hits to protect your stakeholders, so be it. The difference between the average person and a leader is determined by who steps up to initiate action.

Leaders are also able to recognize the perils of the dreaded Sheeple Effect, which I can define easily with a personal anecdote. My wife and I were in Kohl’s with our children, who were very young at the time, and an alarm sounded, presumably from a smoke detector. 

As people around us stood still with bewildered expressions, and looked at each other for guidance on what to do next, we began to make our way towards the exits. We never exited the store (false alarm announced when we were at the door), but when my wife asked me why so many people didn’t move, my response was “They’re sheeple.” 

As leaders, you have the ability to change the course that others will follow. If there is a shoddy resource or practice in place because “that’s what we’ve always used/done,” someone needs to step forward to intervene. Sure it’s easy to stay the course and not risk being chastised for implementing something different that might not work, but that alternate resource or practice that might fail could also produce the benefit of improving the experiences of our students and the staff who provide for them.

In breaking the ranks of the sheeple, leaders do run the risk of incurring blame for decisions that are not perfect in their outcomes. Fine. Keep in mind that assigning blame is a generally stupid and evasive act, and often done by those who aren’t willing to accept responsibility. True leaders can further define themselves by demonstrating a willingness to accept and even embrace accountability. 

If things go well, credit those who work with you. Deflect praise. 

If things don’t go well, take the hit. Accept the criticism, but don’t allow it to be a terminal point. Instead, without excuses or apology, express that you will work to ensure that things improve. 

It stinks to be the lightning rod, but that’s the leader’s role. Your willingness to step in front of conflict also usually helps to engender loyalty and support, and encourages others to be willing to take smart risks without the fear of being undermined.

Ultimately accountability boils down to how someone embraces one of these two options: giving excuses or getting results. One is certainly preferable, and the hallmark of successful leaders. 

A relentless focus on results, which are sometimes simply incremental gains, helps to prevent getting trapped in the quicksand of productivity, which is excuse making. 

Success demands outcomes, and those positive results demand recognition as well as celebration with those responsible for the accomplishment. Recognizing how that work bore fruit should employ inclusive language (the pronouns we and us go a lot farther than do you and I) and commend the efforts of those who followed your lead. 

Here the leader might find comfort withdrawing into the shadows to allow the team to bask in the spotlight, all while quietly knowing that the group’s attainment reflects that someone provided leadership. Someone needs to take that first step towards success. That’s leadership.

Vision Statement: Most people are comfortable being bystanders. Leaders are not most people.

Mindset: Pathological Correctness

My 4th entry in the Mindset category of Vision Statements, Pathological Correctness, employs some self-deprecating humor to call attention a behavior and mindset that, unfortunately, is not terribly uncommon. Hopefully this post stimulates some awareness and even more so, self-awareness. Sure we all like to be correct. But all the time? At what cost? And maybe two people can have differing opinions and both be correct. Enjoy!

“I was wrong.” -Mike Ness

Few things more effectively destroy a conversation or a relationship than pathological correctness. Even worse, most (if not all) practitioners are oblivious to their condition, and miss the wreckage left in the wake of their smug satisfaction and need to always be right.

Simply defined, pathological correctness is the condition in which individuals have the obsessive need to always be correct. Always.

As is the case with any obsession, pathological correctness is not a healthy condition, nor is it generally intentional. It is, however,  pointless and worse than useless. 

If you are worried that I might be talking about you, here’s the test. Consider any disagreement with someone in your personal world, and pass it through the “What do I want out of this?” test. If the answer is that you just want/need to be right, and that seems valid, maybe stop reading now. But if your thinking is that sometimes it’s best to cut bait on the argument, or better yet employ silence, or even say the remarkably disarming “I didn’t think of that,” read on.

What applies to your personal existence is certainly relevant to your professional life. An effective leader needs to recognize that outside of elementary arithmetic there are few instances in life  in which there is one right answer. Rather, most situations involve a degree of sophistication, appreciation of perspective and the ability to step back to consider why other people think the way they do. In this context, different does not mean better, nor does it mean worse. Simply, it means different.

Applying an awareness of pathological correctness demands that you silence your ego and perhaps employ a degree of self-deprecation. If you are involved in an argument, detach yourself from emotion and view the situation through a wide lens to determine the outcome that you hope to achieve. Again, ask “What do I want out of this?”

If your goal is to change someone’s mind to your way of thinking, I would recommend setting the bar lower. If your goal is to make your position clear and to understand the other person’s perspective, there’s hope. 

As parents, educators and leaders, sometimes we need to make unpopular decisions, which explains part of why effective parenting/teaching/leadership do not appeal to everyone. You are not going to sway someone from a passionately held belief nor do you need to “agree to disagree” (there is no consent required to stand by different beliefs). Instead, it is critical to listen, respond and understand. Take notes on what the other person is saying and clarify that you get what they’re saying, but have a different take on the situation. 

Situational awareness is critical to avoiding unnecessary escalation of a disagreement. As parents, we tend to advocate for our kids (my boys are likely shaking their heads if they read this) and probably have no interest in being told that we’re wrong; as an administrator, I have to advocate for all kids, as well as the program, school and district that I represent. 

Leaders do not need to change a parent’s mind nor should they try to prove that one side is right. They do need to recognize and appreciate the perspective of the person on the other side of the phone, and respect that few things make us more irrational than our kids.

It’s important to maintain that culture of calm, which also helps us to convey our perspective. Experienced parents/educators/leaders understand that your first exception is generally your biggest mistake, and I have certainly learned that the hard way in those roles. This concept can be explained to those who disagree with you, whether colleague, parent, student or other partner in education, but only if there is a tenor of mutual respect rather than a zero sum struggle for absolute correctness.

In short, if you tell people that they are wrong, you are guaranteed to raise their hackles and endure a sensationally unproductive interaction. Let’s avoid that. Instead, embrace difference in a culture of civility and mutual respect, and expect a more positive interaction. It’s ok to disagree. It can actually be incredibly productive.

Having the self-awareness and intellectual discipline to cast aside the desperate need to be correct will not ensure that all interactions are productive, but can certainly help limit the frequency and intensity of frustration and conversational futility. 

And, speaking from experience, it’s quite a relief to let go of the need to be right all the time.

Vision Statement: You’re not always right. Focus on listening and considering rather than stubbornly insisting, and be mindful of that trait in others.

Mindset: Managing Setbacks

The title of the third installment in this series, Managing Setbacks, is equal parts self-explanatory and mindset statement about what it means not just to get by, but to create a successful environment for yourself and others. We’re all going to be challenged and struggle along the way. How we stay strong will go a long way towards determining our outcomes. Enjoy!

“Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance.” -Abigail Adams

One of the four noble truths of Buddhism has been paraphrased as “Life is suffering.” That sounds like a terribly negative statement, but in full context of its relevance to the power of acceptance, it is quite the opposite. 

That view can be harnessed for great positive effect when we move forward with the premise that life, and the work it demands, is hard. Once we accept that things are going to go wrong, that we are going to struggle, that there will be challenges to our existence, our perspective is shaped by how we respond productively. 

In short, what challenge we will face is hard to predict. That we’ll face some turmoil, however, is a safe bet.

Consider why we as educators place so much emphasis on assessments, and we can better understand the value of being tested. When situations demand your patience and perseverance, they also give you a chance to demonstrate your strength to yourself and others. 

Regardless of our position, there will be those “this is going to be really hard” situations. Instead of responding with fear or stasis, maybe our next thought should be “got it — let’s go.” 

Just as we want our students to recognize how struggle builds strength, we also can embrace that. Think about what weightlifters do when they want to get stronger. They gradually build up the amount they can lift, and don’t shy away from moving towards heavier weights. Great teachers do that with and for their students, and leaders should do that in their practice. When something goes sideways, we can distinguish ourselves by staying calm and focusing on what needs to be done to achieve results.

Leading through adversity requires that we balance urgency and deliberate actions, and demands that we conduct ourselves with an intentionality that embraces focused calm and a steady vision. Check out Churchill’s speech to the House of Commons on June 4, 1940 for an example of the power of unwavering belief. 

At that point in the war, Britain was taking a beating, and Churchill chose to channel the best of what his people were doing to help build their resolve. His calm emphasis on courage and the steadfast refusal to back down helped to inspire his people. Over 80 years later, his words still resonate.

In a conversation about struggle, it is also important to acknowledge that engaging in competitive suffering is a pointless enterprise. This social phenomenon occurs when people engage in one-upping each other about whose problems are worse. For those practitioners, kudos on your pointlessness. 

As I addressed in Invisible Backpack, the truth is that each of us feel and manage our suffering according to our own realities and experiences. If there is something that doesn’t bother me but adds considerable weight to the invisible backpack of someone else, that doesn’t make me any better or worse. Just different. And that awareness demands of me that I exercise empathy and support, and serve in my role as a leader to help others soldier through their burdens.

Leaders need to accept that they are tasked with making decisions, and that outside of the children’s show “Barney,” decisions are virtually never a clear choice between a good option and a bad one, and the outcomes are rarely unilaterally adored. To wit, when I first had to make calls on weather-related closures or delays, I entered with the assumption that everyone loves a delayed opening. 

Nope. 

Cursed with that awareness now, making those calls has become brutal as it involves incorporating the predictions of people who are not renowned for their accuracy (weather forecasters), and balancing the needs of a wide range of stakeholders (police, DPW, teachers, coaches, morning care providers, working parents, students, student drivers and more). 

On a positive note, I operate with the knowledge of an ironclad guarantee that some people will hate my decision and possibly hate me for making it. In time I’ve learned that in the absence of a right call, the key is to make the best call and run with it. 

Consider that the Chinese character for crisis is the same character used for opportunity.  One word is terribly negative, while the other smacks of optimism, yet they can represent the same overarching concept. 

Leadership in school during the COVID pandemic response certainly involved ongoing crisis management, but provided leaders the opportunity to model their ability to maintain calm in the face of an intense storm. In finding solutions to problems that popped up daily (think high-stakes Whac-a-Mole), we all needed to discover opportunities to make education possible for our students and survivable attainable for our staff. 

Many of those solutions, borne out of desperation and unprecedented events, have some applicability now, thus supporting that our response to the crisis was an opportunity to develop better practice. It does not negate the suffering, but honors the experience if we can channel the setbacks into productive growth.
Vision Statement: Stuff happens. Leaders help people manage it productively.

Mindset: Invisible Backpack

The second of sixteen vision statements, Invisible Backpack is in the Mindset thread and focuses on acting with the awareness that everyone is carrying a burden. Though we can’t see it, they can feel it. Furthermore, it does not matter that someone else’s struggles might seem really easy manage to you or me; effective leaders recognize that practicing genuine empathy honors the individual. In short, Bill and Ted got it right with their mantra: “Be excellent to each other.” Enjoy!

“Take a load off” -Unattributed

Each of us carries a burden. Some are obvious to the naked eye or freely revealed. Most, however, are not. Whatever weighs you down is personal, and you can choose if to share the details with others. But just as you are not obligated to do so, so too are those with whom we interact.

That person who cut you off on Route 23, or worse yet failed to wave when you let them merge onto the highway, is likely not doing so simply for the sake of being a jerk. Yes, it is possible, but it’s more likely that the offending party was otherwise distracted or preoccupied. Whatever might be consuming their attention or psychic energy is not your business. How you choose to respond, however, certainly is.

Moving to a school environment, how are your students or colleagues burdened when they enter the building? Many of our students are saddled with life issues that would incapacitate most adults, but they are experts at masking it. With varying degrees of intensity, we expect them to focus and produce in the face of personal adversity. The truth is that even if it looks like they’re with us, they might be at best halfway there.

I do not make this point to excuse students from participating actively in their learning; quite to the contrary, that engagement in educational experiences might be exactly what keeps our at-risk kids grounded and provides a safe refuge from the world outside. Here, our most effective educators are those who engage students. They read their students, whether by greeting them at the door, reading their body language, or routinely checking in.

School leaders are, of course, educators as well, and need to be able to read their staff. Just as the teachers who are present and engaged can best ascertain the weight of their students’ invisible backpacks, so too can visible and genuine administrators get a sense of their staff members’ daily status. A simple “Good morning” or “How are you?” coupled with eye contact lays the foundation for a meaningful interaction that helps people feel valued, and opens the door to other conversations that might emerge as a consequence.

As an early career teacher, I was advised that kids fundamentally want two things: to know that things will be fair and that you care about them. As a parent, I realized the same applied to my kids. As a principal and now superintendent, I’ve grown to appreciate that the same applies to the staff and families we support. 

Ask any educator what motivated them to want to join this incredibly important and fulfilling profession, and most will talk about wanting to make a difference and the inspiration of someone who made a difference for them. Ask what made those inspiring individuals special and invariably the main detail is that they cared. So simple, yet so important: they cared. How can we emulate those educators who inspired us? How can we show that we care?

A powerful starting point is to demonstrate both genuine empathy and the strength to absorb some hits without taking it personally. That parent who unloaded on you for 22 minutes? Maybe their anger isn’t entirely about you, at least one would hope. You don’t need to know what else they’re carrying, but do need to be aware that there’s likely more going on than what you know. The same applies to students, staff members, colleagues, and, quite frankly, ourselves. 

We are all saddled with something. Honoring allows us to accept that every person we encounter feels the weight of their burdens individually. Life’s pretty hard, but we can make it easier for one another. We may not be able to lighten the load, but at least we can help by not making it worse.

Vision Statement: Everybody is struggling with something; set the tone with kindness,  compassion and empathy.

Mindset: Culture of Calm

A couple of years ago, I took on the challenge of writing sixteen vision statements to help guide the leadership in my district. These sixteen brief writings are essentially a handbook to convey what is needed to instill a culture that guides our stakeholders to support our vision. The writing itself is meant to be anecdotal, conversational and supportive without being self-serving or preachy. I don’t pretend to have all the answers nor the most brilliant insight, but do feel like my experiences and observations can help to shape the vision that will help us provide world-class experiences to our students, staff, families, selves, and community. This first entry is from the Mindset thread. Enjoy!

“I got this.” -Bill Belichik, Super Bowl XLIX

The clock was ticking down in Super Bowl XLIX and the Patriots had just fallen victim to the most improbable catch in Super Bowl history, or at least since the last two most improbable Super Bowl catches ever made against New England. The Seahawks had proceeded to run the ball to the Patriots one yard line, and had the most lethal short yardage running back in the NFL ready to score the seemingly inevitable touchdown to put Seattle back in the lead with less than a minute to go in the game, and the season. 

If the Patriots were to have any hope to mount a drive after the touchdown that Marshawn Lynch was about to score, they would need time, which was ticking away. Everyone in the building knew the Patriots head coach was going to call timeout, including his assistants who were desperately imploring him to do so, and the Seahawks head coach, Pete Carroll, who was waiting for it. 

As the noise rose both around him and in his headset, Belichick stared impassively across the field at Carroll. He knew Carroll had expected the timeout, He also detected that Carroll had not prepared with a play yet. Belichick saw panic, and conveyed calm. His three words were a clear expression of leadership:

“I got this.”

Whether he believed his own words, or if anyone else did for that matter, is immaterial. He set the tone, and when Carroll sent in his offensive personnel for the play he eventually called, Belichick’s defensive assistants sent in a package to match it. 

That the Patriots had never employed this defensive alignment in any game that year did not matter. They were ready. As the defensive players lined up, veteran cornerback Brandon Browner said to rookie Malcolm Butler, “You know what to do here, right?” Butler nodded his assent. After having been beaten badly by this formation in practice earlier in the week, Butler had learned from his mistakes and was now prepared to perform.

That’s a long preamble for a pretty simple point, but it conveys the importance of certainty in leadership and why it is critical to radiate calm. On any given day, a school building and district can feel like controlled chaos. It is really easy to get pulled into the swirling vortex of panic. My advice? Don’t.

Preparation for difficult situations begins long before those moments or events arise. The calm and effective leader applies an understanding that it’s not necessarily what you do to prepare, but how you do it. For example, the early spring  lockdown drill you run in an elementary school lunchroom will likely not go well. Interestingly, the greater issue is often with the older kids, who are feeling bigger than they actually are later in the year (yes, they’re ten). Some might succumb to chatter or silliness while they are supposed to remain silent in the safe area. 

Knowing the significance of the drill, and perhaps having a member of the police department present to observe the drill, your inclination could be to respond with a fury unseen in previous human existence. Again, my advice? Don’t.

There are myriad reasons not to lose your cool, the first of which is that you don’t ever want your students or staff, or anyone for that matter, to feel like they can control your emotional tenor. You’re in charge of you. While the raging lunatic response has its merits,  its attributes tend to diminish in time. 

As with anything, it is important to consider the desired outcomes and to focus on achieving them. The point of a drill is to ensure that everyone involved can learn from the experience and get better. Beyond that, it is also important to convey to the students that they did not live up to your expectations. 

A blanket harangue directed at all of them is counterproductive as it is unlikely that every student there misbehaved; however, a measured explanation of how they have disappointed you, and how you expect them to work together to be nearly flawless should help produce the desired outcome in the next drill, which should be conducted within the next few minutes. If they run the drill correctly on take 2, they will have provided evidence of learning how to run a drill and respect for your presence. They will have also learned, whether they realize it, that you are unflappable when things go wrong.

That last clause, “when things go wrong,” is important to an educational leader’s mindset. Most educators will tell you that things only get messed up on days ending in -y. Furthermore, Robert Burns was right that your plans will always go awry; how you respond will dictate your long-term success. And if you are a true leader, you must by definition have followers, and they will follow your lead in a culture of calm.

If you are human, you will feel the turmoil and distress when the controlled chaos gets unhinged. It stinks and it’s hard to manage. But consider who is depending on you to radiate certainty and act like you’re confident. Even if you’re stretching the limits of credibility, tell yourself “I’ve got this.” Let your words and body language convey that message of calm. I’ve got this.

To complete the story of Super Bowl XLIX, the Seahawks ran the exact play for which the Patriots had prepared. Butler did not panic; instead, he applied the lessons from practice. The undrafted rookie from Alabama State jumped the route and intercepted the pass, thus sealing a Patriots Super Bowl win. Do the Patriots win if their coach panicked? Probably not. They were prepared and poised, and therefore performed to the best of their potential.

Vision Statement: People read us and depend on us to keep it together.